Silence?

The hum of the humidifier, the tick of the clocks, the whirring of the furnace . . . the ambient "silence" of the house. Sitting in "silence" and yet noticing all the sounds around me . . . , wondering what is "silence", and why is it so alluring to me?

Putting on my earbuds, not to listen for the sound of music, but to cut out the external sounds . . . And then the sounds are only in my head . . . the relentless questioning, the ever-present self-doubts, the ongoing second-guessing.

I sit in silence, and sit so still . . . what is it I am waiting for? What is it I am listening for?